We’ll talk again soon. When you finish high school you will be able to assess your options and come up with a plan to move away from your father. Can't trade him for a new one (unless your parents get divorced, and your mother remarries, but that's a completely different story.). He doesn’t always respond to his name. I'm 17 years old and he's been bedridden with cancer. There’s nothing to be gained from starving yourself. Sometimes we just need help to make sense of things, and to change our view of a problem. He should be helping you instead of calling you names. Instead of having the company and support of their adult child in later years, it is Dad's turn to be ignored. When it comes to trusting people in general, I think you should ask yourself questions like these. Till now, my dad’s family thinks my grandma is the problem. Try and make it easier for him to express himself. Just concentrate on staying out of trouble, so things don’t get any more difficult than they already are. Yet he gets less frustrated with my brother than with me. If my father could think close enough and use his intelligence he wouldve understood that birthday parties your supposed to give presents and presents here is money because sometimes you may buy an Medium hoodie when he needs a Large, i earned 3750 kr (swedish money) With that money i knew i could use that money to give back in my friends birthday parties you gotta remember Some families of our doesnt make birthday parties theirselves but goes to others, i can name them but i wont for their sake, 15 cousins came to my place and 8 of em doesnt do parties because their place isnt right for a party so if i calculated right from 3750, i get to keep 2000kr and give them back the 7 left their 1.750, i did that. It is not really your responsibility to get involved in the ‘cheating’ issue, but I guess you could ask him if he’s ever cheated on your mom if you want to. But it has become a bigger problem if that fear has spread to include everyone else in your life. No, that's what went down, when we weren't considered full fledged human beings. Also sexual experiences, my friends problems, my mental health. I get so depressed because my birthday signifies another year of life over me. My mother disagree, saying it is better for him to stay there. I just truly hate him. Many insurers also offer rental coverage as an addition to your policy, and it’s cheaper than keeping a separate AAA membership. When negotiating a separation, insist their father send birthday and Christmas cards every year. I honestly do not know why. i'm now scared of him, i hate him and i don't want to talk to him at all costs. He the type to blame everything on someone else. Tell them you will try to do your best if they just talk to you and explain what they think is a problem. LongTimeMother (author) from Australia on June 23, 2019: I understand what you’re saying, anon. He is not suitable to be a parent. If that’s the case, I suggest you talk with your mother. You think that together, nothing can really go wrong. He also doesn't believe in me at all. My dad is the worst male I ever knew in my life and the worst dad from the people that I see around me or my friends that have great fathers that give them personal space, privacy, allowance, wants, love, care. At 14 kids seem to feel the need to have the same problems as their friends. 'Meanwhile, I spend too much effort just trying to get through the day putting up with your rudeness.'. He always puts out a bad feeling in the room when he's in his depressed state. Your father can make your home life unpleasant during your childhood. And when he dies or loses in said games he screams,curses in Spanish, I wish I would of known younger that it is ok to detach from my father. However, there's one thing I will suggest you try. Answer: Many of the issues would be the same in regards to mothers. You can do it, just like I did and millions of other kids in the same unfortunate position. He always pays the bill, until he retire. They talk and laugh briefly and then she leaves and continues to ignore him. And he says none of that is a excuse and proceeds to tell me that I am grounded for a day. No, he won’t be your dad. He treats my stepmom better than my mom,makes her feel special and all. (Unless you're old enough to move out and start your independent life, which would be an easier alternative.). ", i dont want to call him dad, father or anything like that, he doesnt deserves it. about 2 years ago when i was 11 i found out my father was cheating on my mom, i didnt want to hurt her so i kept it to myself for 3 months, it broke me from the inside out so i told my grandma, and she told me that i had to tell my mom, she told him he had to sleep on the couch and she took his phone from him, about 2 weeks later she let him back in the bed and he was allowed to have his phone again. He angers me so much. And maybe you can talk to your grandparents ... especially his parents. He shouts at me (not everyday) about how i stay in my room all day. Take it gently. I sometimes think that the only way to get him to see sense would be to kill myself. Cross your fingers and hope that your child grows into an adult who can see and respect your efforts to do the right thing. I don’t even think I like him. "OMG why don't you just stay on the road like a normal person WTF???" Question: My dad is a control freak. It was so rude of him that he just told me, "You never left your phone out on the table, and you're not sleeping yet.". My birthday is on february and when its someones birthday you get presents you know and i expected nothing but a good bicycle and i didnt get one so heres the beginning of no end. At age 17 that's when I knew I didn't like him anymore. For instance, does he watch a sport you'd like to play on tv, or have a favorite team? You’re going to be just fine. Answer: You can see there are lots of good things about your dad, so he doesn't deserve to be hated. Her aunt earns money and spends it on us and he manages to verbally abuse her and tell her she shouldn't be there and talks to be about how much he hates her but when he is in a good mood he has monologues with her like nothing ever happened. It is bizarre. If you confront your mother or your father you will completely change the dynamic within your home. I don’t want to see my dad anymore. I’m not emotionally involved in the problem so I should be able to help you step back and consider a different way to deal with it. I always end phone calls with my adult kids (and the one remaining teenager) with ‘Love you!’ which is something never said in my childhood home. He hasn’t physically hurt me, my mother, family, left, or tried to control me. Does he ever drive you or your siblings around? Should I hate him too?’. if i express that, my parents will probably threaten to send me to an orphanage or guilt trip me for being a bratty child. I’m wondering why you have trust issues, and why you can’t be confident that everything will be okay when your dad gets home from work. So please don’t compete with her about the cat. He's very friendly to neighbors and others. You also say he abuses you, but there's no mention of beatings or physical violence, so I'm going to assume he just mouths off at you with no physical harm. Just do what you need to do to get through each day, and week, and year. To have her sister show love and caring, just might turn her life around. Instead of instantly hating your father, I think you should try to get to know him better and discuss the issues that bother you. Answer: When he says he wishes he could kick your *ss, try saying ‘But you wouldn’t, because you love me. He said no, but he won’t give me a reason. We are both in our late thirties never married no children and she is dependent on him. Ask your dad what his life was like when he was your age. When he talks to me this way, it makes me want to take more extreme measures to look what is considered pretty. I don’t know it’s as if he’s offended by what I’m doing. As an adult, she doesn't want his rejection to lessen her joy and limit her potential. So here’s a few more thoughts for you: You could try saying, "If you’re unhappy with someone at work, I wish you’d take it out on them, not me. I was with you all the way. Have you ever noticed how many fathers spend too much time trying to bring activities to an end? Don’t listen to your father’s negativity. I found out through his phone. So if your dad is a single man again, I’d remind you that you’ll be an adult someday and won’t want him fighting you about who you can and can’t go out with. The punishment is not bad at all, but I got mad at the fact that I am getting punished for this reason. I suggest you think that through and see if you can be a little more forgiving. What should I do? So take a deep breath and go tell him. Your mother, your grandparents, teachers or parents of friends. When parents separate, there is no excuse for a child to feel abandoned. There are four siblings in my family and all of us have a dislike for our father. So do most adults. I have tried to take your advice on how to talk with them about stuff when they blame me for things and won't apologize, but they literally ignore any points I make if they don't want to accept what I have to say. Sometimes he yells at me and says that he wishes he could kick my *ss. What should I do? Question: My friend and his wife were in a bad accident, and his wife died in his arms. First, you have to get your head around what quality time actually means. I believe one of the greatest gifts we can give a child is to speak highly of their father—even if it is difficult to think of nice things to say. Now i don't like being with him,when i get graduate i will be leaving my home. Particularly the aggression. He makes me cry, but I'm not sure if that's good enough, but he accuses me of motivations based on "expired evidence". If she says ‘Just dad,’ you might have a problem. What can I do in this situation? He took that as me disrespecting him, and once again said that I hated him. he has high expectations for us, and he thinks he is a great dad just because he works and pays tuition and bills, but I never felt the love every father should give, I am overweight and he would always make me feel terrible about it instead of motivating me, my mom also has the same problem even though she always tried her best to be like who my dad wants her to be he always beats her up and makes her cry a lot, and complains about everything wrong she does, like forgetting to iron/wash a piece of cloth because of all the other things that she has to take care of, he never looks at the good things she does, like preparing food, washing, cleaning, and everything anybody could everyone think of. My dad was awful to my sister and now I can’t even look at him without thinking about what he did. And now she’s a druggie, living in a trashy apartment with her boyfriend and his mother. Do you have any ideas what’s going on? He is a control freak. I trust you will work hard to gain an education, and get a good job so you don’t need money from your father. You say your parents argue a lot. Try hard to study and develop skills that will help you in your adult life. Kids grow up. The doctors had claimed that he wanted to donate his organs to an old lady that was about to die too. - Run away. I really want to visit her.”. In fact, many of the things you have in common are what drive you apart. I use to be very close with my sibling but since my mother died she and he have teamed up. I try to explain things to him, and he either thinks there is something wrong with me or becomes even more irrational. You know I’m not a doctor or a psychologist, so I’m not going to make the kind of suggestions a doctor might make. When I cannot think of anything he has done that would hurt me, why do I so completely hate him? Liv, you are making your way through childhood the best you can. Ask them to help you. Should I do something? Question: My father has relations with other women. The good news is, it is possible to manage anger. And how do you think your mother would feel? But when a dad lies 'in' their daughter's bed, that's a bit creepy, isn't it? But I absolutely hate him. He says the same things to her, and I hate his effect on us. He says im worthless and i cant do anything. So you rant, and I’ll read. I suggest you tell your dad you think it would be a good idea if he keeps spending time with your brother alone because he really enjoys it ... and maybe the two of you could go catch a movie or go bowling or something once a month. ... for my 15th birthday my dad … And get this, I am not Caucasian (kind of pisses me of, when I hear ignorant ass people say stupid crap like "that's some white folk foolishness". I want you to try and get your head around this, without messing with your sense of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ because you obviously have a moral backbone and that’s good. Welcome your mother and sister to share your adult life and future happiness ... and turn your back on your father. How do I cope with this? Hopefully I can help you. I didn’t want to argue at the moments becuase I didn’t want to have a all out war with him. He is always right. i wanna end my life, i know nobody can help me here and to be honest i am just tired, tired of my life, tired of me, tired of me being bore, recently he said kids like you dont deserve to even be alive, go die you piece of shit, he keeps on saying i hope i never had a piece of shit son like you whos good for nothing, i am how to tell him, i know he wont even care if i dead or alive because he simply doesnt. You either don’t care so much that your dad was abusive towards you and your mom, or you don’t care so much that you hate him because of it. He's always hanging out with his friends, and doesn't hang out with his children or wife. Because that’s what life is if you can let go of the anxiety and fear. He doesn't even know my age. That’s his fault, not yours. He's either on his phone, or watching something none of us want to watch. You’re not alone. He holds the fact that he pays for everything over my head. Question: I just can't stop hating my dad for the way he treated my mom. Be calm, not upset, if you decide to try that. 'Yes, and we're very grateful. If you don’t really hate him, it is time to stop acting like you do. My parents divorced when I was a year old due to an affair, and I see him once a week, if that. Often your insurance company will provide roadside assistance coverage for a fraction of the cost of AAA. Lately, my dad makes it really obvious, and I find myself kind of protecting him. You’re the child. I hate it so much. As a stay-at-home-mom, it can be difficult to handle the burden of childcare on top of everything else without experiencing some intense emotions—not all of which are positive. If your dad treats her well (apart from cheating on her), she’s probably happy how things are. List the many ways their dad was a good dad. But later on I found her diary and read it. If you bring his cheating out into the open air, your parents will have no way to continue the way they are now. He says he loves us, but he doesn't act like it. Angered by every noise he makes, and I want to cry even if I just see him slightly. When you're old enough to have kids of your own, there will be other men in your life who can be like a loving grandfather figure. If you are a father who has disappointed your children too many times for them to even bother asking or expecting you to spend time with them, you are in serious trouble. Question: I have a complicated relationship with my dad. I had to fight for it. I would have left right now, even if I can't technically get my own place or anything, but I am afraid because I have lived a pretty sheltered life (I only lived alone when I went on a trip for two months), and my biggest problem is that I am financially dependant on them. But he's forgetting about you and that's not fair. So I want you to think of adults you trust, and then contact them and ask for help. My mom has cancer again, and he is always over dramatizing everything and I hate it. Answer: The kids are grieving the loss of their mother. Blame it on hormones, but be aware that attitude has a lot to do with it. She always argue about how ignorant/stupid my dad was and is. You shouldn’t have to apologise for sharing your snacks with kids who don’t have any. She is coming. Okay? 3 Encouragements For The Depressed Christian. You have to figure out a way to make another sport seem like a good idea (to him) so get creative. A day would not get by without my 'father' starting a fight with my mother.He would call her a pig even though she did nothing wrong.My mother used to be a slender woman but after his constant ignorance to her appearance,she despaired and gave up on body shaming after her pregnancy with my sister.My father treats me the same way he treats her,if not worse cause I look identical to when my mother was young.He would get angry on small things and he forces me to do things that I dont want to.He even told me he cant hit mother cause if he did,than it would be against the law.But my case is different,he have complete dominion over me,cause he is my father,he could hit me however he liked.He acted like the world revolves around him.Now,I became rebellious cause im fed up with. My dad said he wishes he had never had any children to me and my sister. I’m not sure if he’s taking your brother or just leaving on your birthday. She’d blame herself as you’re sitting in jail. Tell them you really want to have a good relationship with your father but now isn’t the time, for all the reasons you explained here. Reach out to your children and make a serious effort to be a better dad. Anonymous on May 11, 2020: He treats my stepmom better than my mom,makes her feel special and all. I had 2000 kr in my pocket at the time i didnt have credit card or anything im keeping them in my wallet 2000kr oof thats alot for a kid to keep in a pocket so still i dont have one and never wont get untill im 18 for sure because my father. And unfortunately I don’t see how you can help her work through this process ... other than keeping yourself safe, and babysitting her cat. I think you should start by trying to figure out when / where / why your anxious feelings first began. If there’s no immediate problem revealed, tell her you hope she’s going to either talk to you properly soon so you can understand or mellow out and stop the drama. I hate my dad, i hate my dad so much that i try everything just to be the opposite of my dad. They didn’t know your dad the way you did. Anytime I do something he doesn’t like his threat is he is going to cut me off. What can we do? When others have issues that are so much worse than mine, why am I recoiling at his presence, why do I seek the physical pain to match my mental one, my anger? If you deny your son or daughter the space and freedom to explore, experience, and develop their own individuality in their early years, be prepared for trouble as they mature. His parents should have taught him to behave better than that. But, by not addressing the issue, your husband continues to be ill or get worse, even suicidal, and you lose out as well. A guilt trip is emotional blackmail. We tried to teach him tricks like “sit”, “come here”, or just by calling him by his name. I can go for another 3 hours just talking about the worst person I know. I’m particularly concerned you don’t feel safe at night. I still have many scars on my body that stay as a reminder. We are adults for a lot longer than we are children. You have learned lessons from your relationship with your father. Yes, I’m sure you’ve been hurt before when someone you trusted let you down. It should be mandatory for parents to regularly tell their children: Every parent needs to learn to bite their tongue and resist the urge to always add "but...". Question: What should I do if my dad keeps hitting me? I don’t want to be a bitter emotionally broken adult. Write to me more. Feed your body and your brain. he's only in the third grade. I hate him for breaking me but then being the only one I can go to in the end about it. Suggest a game or activity (with a natural completion point) and make sure you both enjoy the experience. He always supported me financially. Growing up I always thought my dad was a great dad, and in a lot of aspects he was. He loves people praissing him and he puts me down and compares me with my younger brother because am not as smart as him. What should I do? Because I will also be chatting with Alexis (and anyone else who writes here), I encourage you to scroll down every time you come back to this page. I have ptsd from childhood, all I can remember from my parents being together is them screaming all the time, my dad blames me and my sister when one of his relationships go to crap, it hurts but I know its not our fault. As I reached my teenage years I stopped fearing him and began to deeply resent him. Last night, I went to my sisters bedroom when they were all sleeping with their allowance in my hand. I'm sorry if your mother didn't give them to you.". My father is an alcoholic and becomes very rude and angry when drinking. Before you know it, your sons and daughters will be fully grown and they will probably leave you out of their lives, just as you are ignoring them now. But most kids welcome the changes if it means waking up to a peaceful home and going to sleep without hearing arguments. hes like so irritating that i just get so irritated and devastated that either i end up beating myself or i go to depression for many days, i cant sleep at night due to it. I will, however, play you a game of Scrabble (or backgammon, or cards or whatever.) It could be helpful to have the conversation in front of your mom so that she can hear how you really feel ... and hopefully she can also get some advice from the doctor. She used to write me notes, and would often ask questions in them with boxes for ‘yes’ and ‘no’ for me to tick. When your turn comes to be a parent, I’m counting on you to be a good one! A good dad knows all about their kids' lives and gets involved in them. I have to force myself to answer when he does talk to me. That was your dad’s choice as well. I hope you will show love and support towards your mother and sister. You don’t have to see him when you are older. He targets me the most, and assumes that I do things that I don’t. Can you talk with her? You shouldn’t feel guilty about any of what’s going on, Liv. Answer: I can see how frustrating this must be for you. My brother adores my dad. Your turn to move out is coming. He said it was 6 min. Perhaps because your cousin is the visitor, he's trying to make her feel welcome. Or do you think it is far more logical and reasonable just to blame your former partner for your broken heart; the one who actually disappointed you? I can’t tell if you are frightened or just disappointed. It is wrong for us to assume that we know more about the situation than the speaker. He tells me not to eat, which makes me want to starve to death. Here’s why: You need to let go of having any kind of ‘competition’ with B. You look him in the eyes and tell him you know he’s a liar and can’t believe anything he says as he scrambles to justify his actions. LongTimeMother (author) from Australia on July 01, 2019: Alexis, you explain yourself and make your points very clearly. And yes, she may well be. No, he’s not my boyfriend. He isn't like other people's dads, who are abusive or have secrets (?). I'm desperate. I NEED HELP I REALLY DO NEED HELP. You might worry that they won't take you seriously, or you might be afraid of being stigmatized. Sooner or later you’ll have a prince in your life. Because I suspect she makes your father happy, even though you might not be seeing it. Just walk out the door. Accept the grounding, but don’t apologise to him. It hurts, and I cry myself to sleep at night because I feel like my parents don’t listen to my feelings. He forces me to do school work, and yes, that is very small, however, it's different when you already have done the school work and you have a schedule which permits you two-three hours of free time and then when you are ON said free time, you're not allowed to have it. I trust you’ll be safe and not let yourself be put in danger. I believe you should be concentrating on studying and having fun with your friends as well as being an active, helpful member of your family. My dad and I met when I was six-months-old because the atomic bomb was successful. my brother's lips quivered and he stayed silent. When your dad says 'If you love me, you'll give me a foot massage', you could smile and say 'And if you love me, you'll let me (fill in the gap).' I have AAA - silver card member! I now have started transferring my hate to my sister just bc they are so close. I don't want to break up our family. Thus my home becomes a battle ground. She doesn’t want to be in the same room and even goes the roundabout way in the house to avoid him. My dad is completely normal. I’m sorry, Kit, but my gut feeling is that your sister was telling the truth. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. I think that says you’re a nice person, and I’m proud of you! Answer: You really must talk with other adults you trust. There’s so much fun to be had when you’re older, and people out there in the world who are waiting to meet you. But he hasn’t left her. Sadly, that’s quite in keeping with how life goes for many youngsters who have been sexually assaulted, and then faced with the emotional dilemma of not seeking justice for fear of upsetting their mother. I want you to walk up to your dad and say, “I miss mom. Did things change after some time? You don't have any control over your dad's choices and actions so you'll have to modify your own behavior and hope he responds positively. LongTimeMother (author) from Australia on April 01, 2020: Ally, I'm sorry your stepfather treats you so badly Try to talk with your mother privately when your dad can't hear. He was manipulative in a very subtle way. He is really irrational, and thinks that he knows what I'm thinking. Now yhat my dad is back,I have started hating him completely and totally confused about how to convey all of this to my mom. The summer of 6th grade I spiraled into a deep depression and pushed everyone away, and some hold it against me still. You can create your own happy home and in the future you can leave him behind you. You will grow up and you will leave home. But I’m not giving up on you working this out, and I don’t want you giving up either. You have to get through these tough years to reach the fun and rewards you’ll have as an adult. Make sure you don’t already have roadside assistance with your insurance or even a credit card you have. Aside from my dad, Nathan bites me, mom and my sister. Question: My dad is the worst dad ever. Now he come back living with us, I was the one insisted for him to return. My dad is a control freak, hates my mom, very harsh/violent/abusive, he beat me and my brothers up for the slightest thing, he never asks nicely, we never talk and if we do it is only to confront me about something or make me feel guilty about something or maybe ask me to do something for him, he does not even give me an allowance like normal people. AAA isn’t the best option if you can get better service through your car insurance. I hate my family members that are on my dad side. Ask him to talk with you when he’s not happy about something, and you’ll work together to fix it. I was told when I hate someone dearly to my heart, it means I had murdered them. Dance like crazy people until it is time for you to go to work... and then dance out the door and out to the car. No one knows and I feel absolutely horrible about it, like I'm having an affair or something and I feel so broken all the time. But don’t harm yourself. Adult children of healthy families don't just stop talking to their parents. The most important element of any of these suggestions is the natural completion point. Surviving your teenage years is your current mission. You think on this exchange, and you realize you don’t even recognize this man you used to call “dad.” He has the same height, same hair, same face, but his eyes...his eyes are the eyes of someone you’ve never seen a day in your life. And, after all of this, he thinks you’ll still invite him to your birthday dinner. If you have spare cash, you could buy a cheap plastic basin (long and square, good for holding feet because a round bucket is no good for the job) plus a packet of soaking suds / bath salts so he can soak his feet in a warm relaxing foot bath. he is a seaman working abroad every six or more months. Question: My dad is super sweet, but he does not do any business as he shut it down due to a terrible loss. If that’s the case and you’re asking me how to ignore your divorced dad’s new relationships, so the two of you don’t fight so much, that’s not so difficult. Plus here’s a few other ideas: - Say, If you talk to me I’ll try to change, but if you keep hitting me I’m just going to hate you.". My parents always arguing about chores and our economy condition, ever since I was a child. Feel good about yourself. Your writing is not choppy, and I understand every word. I’m thinking your sister, B, is also aggressive and an animal person. Because I feel as though I don’t get the chance to explain my feelings to you, but I want you to understand me. I hate him because he doesn't support my mother or our family financially. If your first boyfriend (or girlfriend) lets you down and breaks your heart, do you think it makes sense to ‘hate’ all men/women? It would be a shame if you later regret your actions, so let's talk about your relationship with your dad and consider a few options.
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my dad makes me depressed 2021